"Why are they both white?"
"That’s what my friend Keisha asked about you and Daddy.
do you ever start writing a text post and halfway through you’re just like “nah”
my bf knows how to sail and stuff so we were going to fuck on a boat so when we sailed out to somewhere isolated we started making out pretty intensely and i kissed his neck and earlobe and whispered “aye aye captain” and he said “i can’t hear you” so i said it again and then he fucking went “oooooooooooooh” and started singing the fucking spongebob theme song i wanted to kill him
Imagine being pregnant in new york
and your husband gets a cab for you and you’re rushing to the hospital when
"wELCOME TO THE CASH CAB"